apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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