Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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