LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
