Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
