OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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