420 ftw
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
