Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
