i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize