Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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