You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
