Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
