My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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