The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize