John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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