so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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