I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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