Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
