I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize