Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
