so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
