i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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