Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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