so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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