no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
