I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
