I'm lost and stupid without you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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