is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
