just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
