see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will pee on everything he values.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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