currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
