It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
