Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
