i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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