I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
