Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
