Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
