My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Shame is for Republicans.
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