Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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