So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
