i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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