barbara walters just said penis...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
