She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
