my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
