If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize