How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
