I cannot find my penis.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
