Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
