Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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