You smell like stripper and shame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
