i don't like sucking hair
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize