Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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