my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
