period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
