i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize