I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize