apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just pee around me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
