so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
