I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize