So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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