the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if only i could text you this smell
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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