just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
