you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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