it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
