evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
