You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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